Skip to main content


Showing posts from November, 2016

EDD Vacation

I have suffered from a terrible case of the "shoulds" since Desmond died. I should be this many weeks right now... I should be getting up to pee every hour instead of waking up feeling dread and sadness all night... We should be setting up the crib and washing the onesies... We should be about to have a baby now.

My estimated due date (EDD) was November 30, today. However, due to being advanced maternal age (ugh) and previous history of gestational diabetes and a few other issues, I would have been induced by 39 weeks if I hadn't gone into labor, so in my mind, November 23 was my due date because he definitely would have been here by Thanksgiving.

We realized some time ago that it would be a hard time - how could it not? - not that every day isn't hard in its own way, but a particularly hard time as it would mark the end of when I should have been pregnant and the beginning of when we should have had our son. We didn't want to be here, in Indiana, where it is col…

Goodbye, Crystal

I only have one sibling, a sister named Crystal who is six years older than I am. We have never been particularly close, maybe because of our age difference but more likely because we have are just different - have always had different interests, different friends, made different choices in life. We have never had a bad relationship - never had long periods of anger or purposely avoiding talking to each other - but as we have become adults it would not be unusual for us to go weeks or even months without talking. We simply weren't active in each other's lives.

My sister made some bad decisions in her life, as we all have. I'm not sure where she'd consider she really started to go in a wrong direction, but she always was hard-headed and determined no matter what our parents, grandparents, or anyone else would try to tell her to do. She had a baby in her senior year of high school, she married a guy (not the baby's father) the next year so he could get out of jail fa…