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Showing posts from July, 2016

after miscarriage/stillbirth - normal?

It's been 17 days since we lost Desmond. In some ways, it feels like it just happened yesterday, and in other ways these past two weeks have felt as long as a year.

People's reactions to us are varied. Some people talk to us but don't want to bring up the baby, but we can tell they are concerned for us, and it's appreciated. A few people do bring up the baby, and both David and I are always so happy to talk about him. I know some people may think that talking about him would make us sadder, but the opposite is true. Talking about him makes us feel so much better. But we understand that people don't know what to say or do because we ourselves have been those people who didn't know what to say or do. The only time it's been extremely hard for me has been the two times I've encountered people who I know, know, what has happened (one had signed a group sympathy card, and another had expressed facebook condolences), and these people said nothing to me at all…

Desmond's burial & beyond

After coming home from the hospital on Sunday, July 10th, our next order of business was to make the burial arrangements. We knew wanted  burial in a private place we could visit, near other family members. The hospital offers a free 'common burial' two or three times a year (next one's not until October), but we needed it done soon and knew we needed a physical place to know was his alone. I have several family members (grandparents, great-grandparents, some aunts) buried at Sunset Memorial Gardens on the north side of Evansville, so we decided to go with that. For infant burials they 'give' you the plot for free, but there is a $450 charge for the casket/vault combination, and for the service of setting up the tent and chairs and filing the paperwork. We decided to go with this.

On Monday the 11th, Dave and I had to drive out there and make the decisions and payments. His parents had flown in from California the evening before and stayed here with our kids so at …

Desmond's Death and Birth

We returned home from a two-week vacation to Montana where we met up with most of Dave's family and had a great time at Yellowstone and visiting friends in Utah on the way back. We got home on June 30 and the next day, I got out the doppler I had borrowed from my friend Stacy just to check in on littlest baby Harper. I easily picked up a heartbeat in the 130s so all was well. This baby was never moving as much as my others, but was moving, so I tried not to worry, and chalked it up to maybe just being busier and not having time to pay as much attention.

Over that weekend, everything seemed normal, and on Monday the 4th of July, we went to Holiday World for a few hours. I remember feeling the baby move while we were there.

On Wednesday July 6th I realized I didn't remember feeling any movement the day before. So I tried to pay attention on Wednesday, and was sure I didn't feel anything. Wednesday night I got the doppler out again, and could not find a heartbeat. I tried not…