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Things that I worry about

I worry a lot. Like, I probably have some kind of anxiety disorder. I've always been a worrier, an anxious type person, but it's changed over time. When I was a kid, I worried about (I think) normal kid things, peer pressure, social connections, that sort of thing. After my grandpa's murder fifteen years ago, I started having panic attacks - was in fact diagnosed with panic disorder - and took medication and attended CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for quite some time, and finally got it under control. Since that time,  I've had perhaps a dozen panic attacks, but they are few and far between. My main issue has evolved to be a sort of all-the-time worrying. I worry about all sorts of things. It varies day to day and hour to hour, but some of the worries are the same all the time. I thought if I made a list of them, they might seem less worrisome (ha) to me.

I worry about:
my children falling down the stairs and being injured/killed
myself falling down the stairs sand being injured/killed
my children seeing me dead after falling down the stairs
my children riding in cars driven by other people
my children being in the care of other people
my husband being in a car accident
my husband being in a plane crash
my husband being murdered in his little back yard office
my husband being murdered while at the store, a conference, etc
my husband becoming so irritated with my worries that he leaves me
my children being kidnapped from church
my children being kidnapped from a highway rest area
eating spoiled food and getting sick/dying
eating food that has been purposely contaminated and getting sick/dying
accidentally eating something I am allergic to (and getting sick/dying)
my sister dying before our parents
dying before David
David dying before me
not covering all the information my children need to be taught
meth labs blowing up near our house
natural gas blowing up at/near our house
being robbed
purse snatchers
making the wrong choices
seeming boring in social situations
seeming stuck up in social situations
social situations
flying in an airplane, crashing, dying
driving across a bridge while an earthquake hits
sleeping in a new place where I can't be sure the doors are locked
wasting away my life with worrying about things I can't control

This isn't an exhaustive list, but what I came up with after thinking for about five minutes. So I guess these may be my most prevalent worries, or at least variations on these.

Some of them, I  know why I have them. Others, I have no idea. I have no reason to think the odds of any of these things happening to me are greater than happening to someone else. I guess I just want to feel prepared for any eventuality. I don't ever want to be blindsided by a horrific event and I think that if I worry about it ahead of time I can either (a) prevent it from happening by my hyper-vigilance, or (b) more easily deal with it when it (inevitably) occurs.


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