Yes, it does look like I am sad in this picture. That's because I am. I'd just left the funeral home, where there was a visitation service for my niece's best friend, Tori. She was 20 years old. She had a one year old little boy. She was diagnosed with liver cancer three weeks ago, and now, she is gone. So it was a very sad time, even though I didn't know Tori very well. We met a few times, most recently on Memorial day weekend at a picnic.
So why a picture looking so sad? Because, and I think I said this before but I'll beat a dead horse as long as I can, I don't want my blog to be a happy-smiley-my-life-is-perfection blog. Those blogs are fun to read. But they can also leave you feeling terribly inadequate.
Sometimes my life is very sad. Not to ignore the many happy things I have. My husband is great. Our kids are awesome. We are all healthy. No major issues there. But sometimes things come up that are just plain terrible. And I think it's okay to say that. I think it's healthy to accept that and to know that even when things are good, something bad is going to happen. Eventually, it will. To me, that doesn't make the happy times less happy. If anything, it makes them more happy. An awareness of sadness makes me appreciate happiness that much more. I know in the few days since Tori died, I have repeatedly been hugged or kissed by my children and it has brought happy tears to my eyes. I am grateful to be alive and to be able to get those hugs and kisses. I am grateful I get to be their mom and spend every day with those amazing people.